Cracked.com… deeper than you might think.

There are times when everybody needs humor in their life. One of the places I have gone for such humor in the past and still in the present is cracked.com. Not because I always agree or find what they say to be funny in that uplifting, true to human and thus not inherently offensive to any particular group sort of way. No, like most other humor outlets, they have their supremely douchey moments. I go there just because sometimes, you get this:

Celebrity before and after photographs

There is nothing quite as reassuring and, in a lot of ways, body positive than seeing how Neville Longbottom is a much hotter adult than Harry (although I’d have to say that as far as the actors go, Matthew Lewis, Tom Felton and Rupert Grint have ALL MANAGED TO OUT-HOT Daniel Radcliffe… sorry kiddo. Thems the breaks).

(To parody cracked… From left to right: TOO SEXY, hot, super hot [according to my friend Mike Foster; I would call her beautiful], meh, hot, hot… at some premier for the last Harry Potter flick, I would imagine.)

Or seeing Marilyn Monroe before she was THE hottest American woman in history. Or seeing that actually, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga look soooooo normal when they aren’t rocking their gimmicks. Or that Zooey Deschanel is damn near unrecognizable unless her bangs are hanging in her face.

I’d say that David Wong sums it up best when he says:

Now, she looks fine in that Twitter photo [referring to a first-thing-in-the-morning shot taken by Russel Brand]. For a woman just waking up (as she appears to be), she has nothing to be ashamed of — that’s about as good as women look in the morning, which is 10 times better than any man. [Nice line there, Mr. Wong :D]

But it’s shocking precisely because it makes you realize that this is the true deception of TV and movie makeup: It’s all about raising the floor, not the ceiling. In other words, when you’re supposedly seeing a girl at her worst on television — say, Zooey Deschanel stumbling out of bed, or Jennifer Aniston on the sofa in sweats looking “ugly” — she is in reality still wearing hours of makeup, hair, and wardrobe. Her “ugly” day is carefully calculated to look better than any of us did on prom night.

The reality is that these impossibly gorgeous women, if scrubbed of perfect makeup, lighting, and Photoshop, look like somebody you could stand in line next to at the grocery store and never give a second glance.

Precisely. It’s funny that a man can admit that… and a little sad because in admitting it, he has tipped his hat toward the greatest conceit of men in our current age… they will only give second glances to women who manage to look what they deem to be perfect.

If taken out far enough, you end up with a conclusion that is both positive or negative, depending on your personal outlook on life. The man you end up with thinks you are perfect just as you are… for those who see the positive, this becomes, WOW HE SEES THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT!

But for most, because we have been raised in a society where the Mr. Wongs of the world don’t give us second looks in the grocery line, even if we are Katy Perry, because we’re not wearing enough makeup, we conclude that we’re being settled for.

It’s not true. My boyfriend insists that I am the one, that my EVERYTHING stands out as being the most desirable, of all women’s, to him. But because I’m not Zooey D., who he finds attractive, there is a space in the back of my mind for the thought that “he is just settling for me.”

What a completely fucked-up world we live in. Fucked-up most of all because Cracked.com will unabashedly TAKE YOU THERE! even without trying, and without being particularly serious when discussing this issue. Men know it. Women know it. We all know it… and yet here we are, still living in a world where we generally accept this fact as normal on a day-to-day basis.
By these standards, even naturally skinny girls of average beauty are pretty ugly… simply because they aren’t professionally worked over for hours before stepping into a public sphere.
He goes on to say this about Lada Gaga:
And, again, without it she looks fine, like a person you’d run into behind the counter at Walgreens. If your brother was dating her, you wouldn’t be impressed or disgusted. She’s a normal person.
And, most enlightened of all, the only really disparaging things he says (unless you find “normal” to be completely offensive) is geared toward all the gimmicky “shit” that both Katy Perry and Lada Gaga wear to give themselves a memorable image.
Sort of like Marilyn Manson:
Track him down without the makeup and… well no, bad example. He doesn’t look “normal” just freaky in a different manner.
Anyway….
It’s probably a good thing to remind ourselves, constantly, of the lens we’re forced to view the world through. We walk around seeing real people in real-time with real eyes… but when it comes to the “beautiful” people, we are given a pair of rose-colored glasses…
Speaking from the point of view of a person who has both prescription glasses AND prescription sunglasses, it’s a pain in the ass to take off my sunglasses and put on my regular glasses EVERY TIME I GO INTO THE STORE for just a couple of things. So I just don’t anymore. I walk around a lot of places wearing sunglasses, not giving half a rat’s patootie what other’s think of me… and because of that, I see the world darkly.
Well, pretty sure that this same laziness translates to the rose-colored glasses of society. Our brains are lazy, and eventually we get to the point where somewhere, deep inside of us, a voice says “aw fuck it” and keeps the rose-colored glasses on, because we’re trained to do so.
Except doing so doesn’t make everything more beautiful. In fact, the world is an ugly, ugly place through rose-colored glasses. It would be nice if the media took of theirs as well so that we could just drop the BS and pretense and be humans again.
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