You find that you are hungry, but its not time to eat.
Time for a full blown breakdown. Why? Because…
You have been trained to believe that in-between meal snacking is BAD, irresponsible and will MAKE YOU FAT.
You have been trained to believe that when you are hungry but it isn’t time to eat your desire to eat must be “emotional” … which means that your growling stomach is a delusion, and you are crazy.
You have been trained to believe that you can just make this hunger disappear by willing it away, and if you can’t, you are “weak willed.”
You have been trained to believe that health equals anal retentive amounts of control over your bodily functions. If you can’t make your stomach stop complaining, you are not only not healthy, you also DON’T WANT TO BE HEALTHY.
You have been trained this because this is what society tells us is the truth.
So here I am, it is 1:11 p.m. and it wasn’t so long ago that I had breakfast (around 9 a.m.) and my stomach is growling.
I could break down and cry because I am hungry but have told myself that I need to stop eating so much.
My sickness is not my hunger. My sickness is the voice that persists in my head telling me that my growling stomach is wrong, that every bit of food I point into my mouth is gluttony personified, and that I am inherently a bad person for wanting to eat.
I should feel perfectly fine with starvation. After all, I am fat, and the only way for me to be healthy is to abstain, abstain, abstain.
The world according to illfitted is written to ask you, is it right that I should be demonized for being hungry? Is it right that I should be stigmatized for the act of feeding myself? Is it right that I and those who are like me should be treated as if we don’t deserve to eat?
No, it’s not right. But it what I have been taught to believe, or I wouldn’t be sitting here crying and hungry, trying to drink water to fill and emptiness that is really is physical, but I have to perceive as emotional because I have overeating “issues”.